Throughout our lives we continually face loss in all sorts of ways.
Drawing by Charlie Mackesy from https://www.facebook.com/Charliemackesyart
Usually, the concept relates to the loss of something valuable to the individual, rather than to something considered to be undesirable. However, the perception of the importance of a particular loss is also dependent on the age and world view of the individual. For example, a baby happily shaking a rattle which inadvertently drops out of sight will feel that loss acutely, particularly if there is no clear way of locating and retrieving the plaything. With time and experience however, the impact of this type of loss will reduce as the baby learns that with the intervention of others it is possible for this enjoyable play to be restored. As an adult one tends to think of loss mainly in terms of the big things in life, such as loss of a relationship or of a job, while many of the smaller things such as a cancelled party or sporting event, we regard as a disappointment rather than as a loss. It is likely that these disappointments experienced as an adult had a far greater emotional impact when experienced as a younger person who would probably view them as lost opportunities.
Being able to treat small losses as disappointments is an effective way of preserving one’s emotional equanimity and ultimately one's physical and mental well-being. This is what resilience is all about. Cultivating emotional resilience can keep one in a state whereby life’s greater losses can be better shouldered without overwhelming stress, stress which could lead to mental and physical illness. There are circumstances, of course, when personal resilience is not enough to guard an individual from overwhelming stress, in which case other supportive measures are necessary. For example, seeking medical help from a GP and/or emotional support from a counselling service.
In the next posts I will be looking at different kinds of stressful loss experiences and considering possible effective coping mechanisms. If nothing precisely affects you, I am hopeful you will gain some inspiration or insight into what might be helpful in your particular situation or for others in your community.